i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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