I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
God I need to hump something, right now.
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