im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
