ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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