i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
