so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
