those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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