It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
