I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The air was thick with penises
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
