I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
