That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
