True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
