My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
