I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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