She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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