Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
True college students do jello shots in the library
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
