You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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