I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
