Nicole vs. Life
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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