naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm bleeding and have questions
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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