What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
