Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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