Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
All I want is dick and wine.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
