Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
