I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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