I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
