She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
