For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
