dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
