Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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