where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Who did Billy Mays play for?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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