you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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