WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
