Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize