Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize