On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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