You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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