i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
