I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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