Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
