genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
