For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
