your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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