how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
