Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
