Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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