I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
