He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
