you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
