i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Randomize
