I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
