It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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