You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
