WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It was confusing and full of hummus
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
