Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
3 2 1 whiskey
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
