"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Randomize
