At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
