wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
