Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
