it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
