Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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