went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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