My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
