3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Randomize
