Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
