i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Are we still banned from the library?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
