I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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