do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
