I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
How does it feel to date your dad?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
