I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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