Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
do herpes really smell.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize