Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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