I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
