I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
