There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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