I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
