At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
