either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
